Meeting chaos with kindness

A lesson on love from Starbucks

Photo by Matt Collamer on Unsplash

This post was delivered as a sermon at the Jubilee! Community in Asheville, NC on May 25, 2025. Enjoy the video or read along. I also sang my song “A Better Way,” accompanied by the World Beat Band and featuring a dance from Anne Wray. Video linked below for the song and dance.

Readings:
Luke 3:7-14
Philippians 4:5-9
A Course in Miracles, Chapter 17

A few years ago. I read a story on Facebook by a woman named Nicole Martin about how she decided to spend one morning. She wrote that she stopped into a local Starbucks for her morning pick-me-up and instead of going through the drive-thru like normal, she went inside.

Once there, she noticed that everyone was engrossed in their own thing, either staring at their phones or their laptops or otherwise occupied in their own little world. She noticed there were nearly a dozen people behind her in line, so she decided to shake things up a bit in the coffee shop. She bought her morning caffeine hit and also purchased a $25 gift card and asked the barista to pay for as many people behind her as possible using the card, but not to tell them who had paid for their drink. Then, she sat down to watch the show.

She didn't have to wait long.

She writes: "The first gentleman to receive a free drink demanded he pay, but the barista insisted it was covered, so he dropped the $5 he was going to use to pay for his drink into the barista's tip jar. Success. She turned to me and winked.

"The second and third patrons in line were two old buddies having their weekly coffee date. They had to be pushing 80, and they were so confused at not having to pay that they just left their money on the counter and asked her to use it for the people behind them. It was a younger guy who then after receiving his free drink, went over to the gentleman and shook their hands. Success.

"I proceeded to watch 14 different people," she writes, "enjoy a free drink. Some people paid for the people behind them in line, and some people just took their free drink and scanned the room looking for the free drink fairy, smiling at everyone they encountered. Success."

The best part, she says, was that her simple act of kindness had broken the spell in the room. People were looking up from their phones and computers, making eye contact, exchanging head nods and pleasantries with each other.

Martin wrote: "I watched people be kind, courteous, and engaging. I watched people who normally would avoid eye contact spark a conversation, all because of a kind gesture. Success."

In these chaotic and uncertain times, it's easy to be so overwhelmed by the world we see that we retreat into our own little world – whether it's on our phones, our computers, or just in our minds. We forget that the people around us are living, breathing spirits in flesh suits like we are. Instead, we are tempted to see them as obstacles. One more person ahead of us in line, one more person to get by to get to where we're going.

This is, of course, how the ego prefers it. It loves to see others outside of ourselves as either obstacles or something we can use to our advantage. What we really need are a few more Nicole Martins who will rouse us from our egoic coma long enough to realize that the separation we feel from those around us is simply an illusion, and there really is only one of us here.

Back before Jesus came on the scene with his world-changing ministry, there was his cousin, a guy named John the Baptist. If Starbucks had been a thing in early Palestine, John would have approved of Nicole's actions, though his method may have been a little more striking and overt than hers.

The John we meet in today's Jesus story isn't quite as humble as Nicole. She may have wanted to walk into that Starbucks and say, like John, "You brood of vipers, look around the world and see the beauty and magnificence of everyone around you. Get off Facebook and your computers and feel the end of our separation!" But that just wasn't her style.

However, this was basically John's message to those who came to him for baptism. They had long comforted themselves about their own goodness in the world.

I mean, they have Abraham as an ancestor, and they are part of God's chosen people, after all. What more do they need to prove their goodness cred?

We, too, as Americans, often believe we are God's chosen ones, with our phones, computers and designer coffee perched nearby. But John asked them then, and us now, what have you done for God lately? You've taken your status as God's beloved children for granted and turned your full attention back to the illusion of the ego that tells you that you have a god-given right to your latte and your iPhone.

"Even now the ax is lying at the root of the trees," John tells them, "every tree therefore that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire."

Ruh-roh. I think we may be in trouble, Jubilants. Here's the question then: Are we bearing good fruit? Are we paying it forward? Are we looking up from our egoic illusion long enough to see what's real and what's not?

Now, I know, with the world in constant turmoil and new outrages occurring faster than cable news anchors can breathlessly break them to us, it's sometimes easier to retreat into our egoic fantasy worlds, stare at our screens and seek to forget the world. There are days when even our overwhelm seems to be overwhelmed.

But pay close attention to what John says when each of these people asks him what they should do in the midst of chaos. He tells them to share with one another. If you have two coats, give one away. He tells the tax collector – the representative of the government – to deal fairly with those he encounters, and he tells the soldier, who represents the power of the state, not to threaten or oppress anyone.

Note that he does not ask them to do big things. He asks them to do small things with great love and attention. He asks them to be generous, to be kind, to be just and compassionate to those around them. Jubilants, there is so much hurt and division in our world. The way we begin to bring healing and peace from this chaos doesn't have to be a grand gesture. Instead, the Holy calls us to small acts of kindness – to engage in small changes that can make big differences.

I know, with all the chaos that’s been created in our country since January, this sounds like an ineffectual and naïve piece of advice. How can buying coffee for people at Starbucks or doing other small acts of kindness make any real difference in the world at all? I mean, here we are, probably as deeply divided politically and spiritually as we have ever been in this world, and I have the temerity to suggest that we just hold hands and sing Kumbaya and expect things to get better?

Well, I may have been born during the day, but it wasn't yesterday. I'm not naïve enough to think that one or two acts of kindness will change the world. I am convinced, however, that if we cultivate a habit of kindness, a habit of loving acts that eventually come from us as simply as our next breath, that we can, and we will, change the world.

Fighting and division is nothing new in this world. It's the ego's stock and trad,e and it has us trained to the notion that it will never, and can never be changed. What is new in this world is love, not that namby pamby kumbaya kind of love, but that fierce love that refuses to believe that hatred will win, that all-encompassing kind of love that can look suffering in the face without crumbling into hatred or despair.

This is the kind of love that the Apostle Paul is trying to teach the early Christians in the community at Philippi. You see, there was division in the church. Two of the head church ladies – yes, I said ladies – were quarreling, and they were making it very hard for people to come together as community. People were taking sides, and factions were forming.

We humans are a predictable lot, and we have barely changed over the millennia. Fighting is what we do because the ego has convinced us that we're separate from one another, and to get whatever it is we feel we need or want, we must do battle with each other. We compete over resources, we compete over power, we compete over relationships, whatever it is we see as scarce, we think we must get it before anyone else does and then jealously guard it with our lives.

Such is the world of the ego – and we see its manifestations all around us in wars, in dictatorial governments and policies, perhaps even in our own families and relationships. Some things, in this illusion, never change.

But what Paul is inviting his congregation, and us today, to do is imagine another world, or the "happy dream," as A Course in Miracles would call it. In this new world, Paul says, we will find the peace of God that surpasses all understanding. How do we do that? We begin to train our mind to resist the thoughts of the ego – thoughts of anger, greed, war, separation and hatred.

We train our minds this way, Paul says by doing this: "…beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Keep on doing the things that you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you."

Instead of focusing on the world of the illusion that is full of war, hatred, division, and despair, Paul invites us to look beyond the reality our ego would have us see. Our ego is always basking in thoughts of anger, greed, revenge, shame, blame or other emotions that keep us spiraling down the drain of despair.

But Paul invites us to make room for a miracle with just a small, but powerful, change in our thoughts. Whenever we think thoughts of despair or anger or competition, he says, think instead of what is pleasing, whatever is praiseworthy, whatever is going right and whatever is commendable in this world.

Here's a hint – you may have to get off Facebook or look up from your phone to see it. But it's there – in the flower pushing its bloom through a crack in the sidewalk, in the smile of a baby in line in front of you at the Walmart, in the gesture of the person in front of you with the full basket at the grocery store letting you ahead in line to buy your few items. It's in the embrace of a loved one, in the kindness of a stranger who holds the door or lets you go ahead of them in traffic.

Jubilants, miracles are occurring all around us in every moment, but we're like those folks in Starbucks, too busy staring at our screens to look up and see the walking, talking, caffeinated miracles going on all around us.

You can stay stuck in your egoic bubble, thinking you're disconnected from it all, but every moment the Holy invites us to break out of the ego's thrall, change our mind about this world, and begin to see that we are always smack dab in the middle of miracles. Breathe deeply.

Just before Nicole Martin was about to pack it in and head off to work, a little old man named Hank came into the Starbucks that morning. She said she knew the man's name because all the workers stopped what they were doing to greet him by name. He placed his order for his regular tall drip coffee, which he always asked be served with room for "a splash of cream and sunshine." Hank's coffee was the last one covered by the gift card.

After he picked up his coffee, Nicole said he made the rounds, asking everyone if they had been the mysterious coffee connection for so many people.

"As he got to me, I smiled," Nicole wrote. "He just stopped and said, 'It was you, huh? Stand up, young lady.' So, I stood up, and as Hank balanced himself with his cane under one arm, he gave me the biggest, tightest hug he could with the other arm and said, 'You were that little ray of sunshine I seek every day. Today I am vertical, you woke up, too, so be blessed, not stressed.' He tipped his hat and hobbled away."

I don't know if Nicole Martin is a student of the Course, but she followed its advice from today's reading to the letter. She is an example of what happens when we take our holiness everywhere, into every situation and relationship during our day. If we do even the smallest act of love in this world, Jubilants, the universe will magnify it a million times over.

"Nothing too small or too enormous, too weak or too compelling," the Course says, "but will be gently turned to its use and purpose. The universe will serve it gladly, as it serves the universe."

Nicole made room for a miracle at that Starbucks that day and watched it unfold as people, dedicated to their feelings of separation, began to actually see and converse and connect with one another. All because someone bothered to make a small change in their routine and do an act of kindness.

When we make even the smallest effort at kindness, the universe makes sure that it grows, because our one act gives others permission to do the same.

"Your faith," the Course tells us, "will call the others to share your purpose, as the same purpose called forth the faith in you. And you will see the means you once employed to lead you to illusions transformed to means for truth."

This, Jubilants, is how we change the world – one act of love and kindness at a time. I know it seems like a drop in the bucket when the suffering of others in this world is so great, but the egoic systems of this world count on you to feel helpless and overwhelmed. The egoic power structure is betting on its overwhelming outrages and scandals to lead you to numb yourself and give up hope.

But Paul, John the Baptist and A Course have the secret weapon against all despair – kindness, love, compassion – given freely to anyone who crosses your path.

Do not give any thought to whether another is worthy. Do not give any thought to whether you're worthy enough to give it. Do not give thought to who they may have voted for or if they voted at all. Do not give any thought to anything the ego would say to deter you. Instead, Jubilants, I invite you to dedicate yourself to changing your mind and getting into a new thought pattern that dwells only on "whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable," or worthy of praise.

Imagine, just for a moment, if everyone in this room made such thoughts their only thoughts – a habit of mind that always thinks the most loving thought – how different would this community be? How different would the people be that you meet and interact with? If love was the only thought you ever had and the only thing you ever acted on – how could the world NOT change? How could the people around you NOT change?

The axe is lying at the root of our democracy, Jubilants, but we are not powerless. We can change this world by thinking and acting only on the thoughts that connect us to others, and then connect others to others, and so on and so forth. We can't expect others to change until they've seen a change in us – a change so powerful that it awakens their higher self and they understand there is no separation between us.

There's so much hurt, fear, anger and despair in the world, Jubilants. Let us be of the mind that we will not add to it, but instead we will do all we can to be Holy healers who will always make room for a miracle. Let us be like Hank: Always on the lookout for that ray of sunshine in this increasingly dark world, and when we find it, let us give thanks and say: “Oh, yeah.”

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Music for the journey:

“A Better Way” — Candace Chellew (featuring The World Beat Band)

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Upcoming Appearances:

June 22, 2025 — Unitarian Universalist Church of Columbia, SC

July 13, 2025 — The Unitarian Church in Charleston, SC

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About the Motley Mystic:

The Motley Mystic is an online community for people who have realized that the truth speaks with many voices. No one religion, philosophy, institution, or dogma captures the whole Truth and nothing but the Truth. No one needs to swear allegiance to one line of thought or belief to discern Truth because Love is the only thing that’s real. That’s what we explore at the Motley Mystic - all the tools and strategies we need to remove our barriers to Love and live fully as our true Divine Self.

Candace Chellew is the founder of Motley Mystic as well as Jubilee! Circle, an interfaith spiritual community in Columbia, S.C., which existed from 2010-2024. She is currently the pastor at Clayton Memorial Unitarian Universalist Church in Newberry, S.C. She is also the author of Bulletproof Faith: A Spiritual Survival Guide for Gay and Lesbian Christians, published in 2008 by Jossey-Bass. She is the founder and senior editor emeritus of Whosoever: An Online Magazine for LGBTQ People of Faith. She is also a musician and an avid animal lover. She has been a student of “A Course in Miracles” since 2016 and today considers herself a recovering Christian.