Let's see how it goes …
The art of not striving – because the Promised Land is overrated
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I have left the Promised Land … and that's okay.
The "Promised Land" is what author and life coach Martha Beck calls phase four – or the fourth square – of her "Change Cycle." In that fourth square, you have successfully negotiated your transformation from dissolving into "person goo" where we're searching for our authentic identity, through the second square of dreaming and scheming and have made it through the hero's journey of challenges before emerging into success.
In that fourth square, you have a solid identity. You're who you strived to be. For me it was becoming the leader of a spiritual community. My goal was to help people transform from the inside out, following a very similar path to Beck's that I call AWAKEN. (Check that out in the next section.)
When we get to that Promised Land – that place we have strived to get to, overcoming challenge after challenge until we stand in triumph at the place where we dreamed of being – why would we leave? We fought so hard to get here, after all.
Beck's mantra for stage four contains the answer: "Everything is changing … and that's okay."
"There's no way to predict how long you'll stay in Phase 4," Beck writes. It could be days or decades, but it's not your new identity that brings joy, she warns. "Security lies in knowing how to deal with metamorphosis, whenever it occurs."
The constant is change. We are constantly transforming. There's nothing in our lives that lasts forever, even our residency in the Promised Land we've been striving for all this time.
After retiring from Jubilee! Circle at the end of September, I find myself back in square one – person goo. My identity as a spiritual community leader is gone. Now, who am I? More importantly, who do I want to become? But I may be getting ahead of myself.
In this first stage, Beck advises us to practice loads of self-care and perhaps talk to others who have gone through similar transformations. The best advice, though, is to allow ourselves to grieve.
Beck writes: "If you think this sounds frustratingly passive, you're right. Dissolving isn't something you do; it's something that happens to you. The closest you'll come to controlling it is relaxing and trusting the process."
This is where I find myself, hating having to trust the process. I am often more comfortable being a human "doing" instead of a human "being." I always want to just dash into phase two where I begin to imagine the journey to the next Promised Land. I like the scheming and dreaming part – getting a new idea, burning with passion for it, and pursuing it.
However, I've been at this stage before and now I understand why you can't skip phase one. I've pursued a lot of half-baked ideas that circle right back to phase one, leaving me to wonder why I even try at all.
I now realize that not allowing myself this time to grieve and dissolve into a puddle of "I don't know what the hell to do with my life" just prolongs the journey in ways that aren't helpful. My ego loves to dream and scheme: "This will make money!" "This will get you a huge audience."
As I wrote in my last piece, I no longer need to monetize my bliss. I just want to dance before the Holy and feel the true, lasting joy that such efforts produce. I feel like my next Promised Land is more of a private island than a public event. What kind of dreaming and scheming is required for that? I don't know yet … and that's okay.
On their "Bewildered" podcast, Beck, and her partner Rowan Mangan, talked about the pain of moving out of that fourth square – completing the cycle of one identity before a new one can be formed. Mangan shared her slogan for this time in her life: "I will see how it goes."
This hit home for me, because all my dreaming and scheming at this point feels hollow – like the ego wanting to get back out there and get all the attention it can. I'm done with that. I've followed the ego’s path too many times and it has never led to a true sense of joy. Maybe nothing does in this life, so this time I want to do it differently – to follow an inner path of joy with my Divine audience of oneness and "see how it goes." Maybe it manifests as something in the world around me, maybe it doesn't. Either way, it's okay.
As I have adopted this "see how it goes" idea, I have found some synchronicities at work in my life. I'm not sure what to do next, if anything, really. In the meantime, though, I connected with an old friend on LinkedIn and landed some podcast editing work. Places where I have been a guest speaker before are asking me to come more regularly now that I have the time. I'm back out at the open mic scene singing my songs, and people are telling me how much they enjoy them. I want to go into the studio next year and professionally record many of them to share more widely.
I have not strived to make any of that happen. I've just slowed myself down enough to be aware of what's trying to get my attention and perhaps manifest itself through me into the world. No scheming, no dreaming, no planning, just a solemn commitment to "see how it goes," and keep my eyes fixed on my Divine audience of oneness.
This is how we are to live, according to the Bhagavad Gita. Krishna tells Arjuna to "do your worldly duty but do it without any attachment to it or desire for its fruits. Keep your mind always on the Divine. Make it as automatic as your breath or heartbeat. This is the way to reach the supreme goal, which is to merge into God." (p. 32, Jack Hawley translation)
In other words, see how it goes.
Where do you find yourself in Beck's four phases or "windows"? (Or on the AWAKEN journey outlined below.) If you find yourself, like me, in that "person goo" state, I encourage you to adopt the "See how it goes," mantra and take time to care for yourself, grieve the old way you've lived or identified yourself, and simply allow life to unfold for you.
I think you'll find that even though everything is changing (because it always is) that's okay, and if you remember that your only audience is the Divine within, whatever comes next will make you say: "Oh, Yeah!"
AWAKEN: 6 degrees of transformation to get unstuck on the spiritual path - by Candace Chellew
The AWAKEN model depicts a continuum of spiritual growth and awakening. It is not a step-by-step, linear method, but instead provides a guide for locating where one is in any given part of their spiritual journey and highlights the six degrees necessary for spiritual transformation.
This is the AWAKEN spectrum:
ALLOWING: That moment when we receive, or give ourselves, permission to question the spiritual place where we are now. Those questions may arise through some manner of pain, cognitive dissonance, doubts, or a need for a sturdier faith to endure current challenges. This sense of allowing ourselves to step out of old ways of being, doing and knowing may come from outside of ourselves, such as a book, an assurance from a trusted mentor or even a song on the radio. It's the moment we realize that there's got to be a better way to live.
WILLINGNESS: Even when we have permission to question our beliefs and our current spiritual path, we must be willing to begin the process and move forward confidently, knowing that Spirit will guide our steps. A Course in Miracles says that even a "little willingness" is enough to spark Spirit into action on our behalf. Jesus agrees, saying that faith as small as a mustard seed will move mountains. Sometimes this step is about the willingness to be willing, as we still seek to give ourselves full permission to begin the AWAKEN journey.
AWARENESS: When we become willing to walk this new spiritual path, we become aware of new perspectives, ideas and tools that will assist us on our journey. Here, we allow Spirit to guide us to new teachers, beliefs, and ideas and we remain open to learning new things. In this phase of awareness, we begin to trust our intuition, recognizing the Truth even as it speaks to us in many different voices.
KNOWING: In the awareness phase, we are taking in a lot of information and while we may find most of it intellectually stimulating and emotionally satisfying, the Knowing stage is when that head knowledge becomes a heart-based knowing – a place of clarity without doubt or question that the path we're on is one of Truth, gentleness, grace, and love. In this stage, we are content and confident that we're on the right path.
EMBODIMENT: That contentment and confidence of discovering the knowledge of our higher, Divine Self allows us to then become the embodiment of what we now know within our being as Divine Truth. At this stage, how we speak, move, and have our being in the world is transformed from the first stages of allowing and willingness, and even awareness. Here, we become the love we've only theorized about before. We become the compassion we once admired in our state of awareness, and we become a clear channel for the Holy to shine its light of Love through us. Our very energy has been transformed from that of questioning to knowing, and how we treat ourselves, and others, changes. We become the love we have been seeking to understand.
NOW: This last stage is not one of doing, but a stage of being. Often, on our path to spiritual growth, as we heal one area, we begin to search for what's "next." The ego becomes restless as it watches us begin to heal ourselves. It understands that if we're fully successful in bringing all our past patterns through the AWAKEN process that it ultimately will lose its power over us. At this stage, it will begin to appear to be "helpful," pointing out other areas of your spiritual walk that may need healing. The problem here is that you may not truly be ready to tackle those areas and if you act on them, you will find yourself frustrated and overwhelmed.
As we are embodying our new knowing in the world, we must take this time to be present with what is inside of us. This is when the wisdom from chapter 16 of A Course in Miracles is salient: "I need do nothing except not to interfere." (ACIM, T-16.I.3:12) Throughout the AWAKEN process this phrase can be handy. We are not "doing" anything as we awaken, we are simply allowing ourselves to go through a process of growth and refusing to interfere. Flowers don't do anything to germinate, bloom, grow and wither, they simply allow the process of life to flow through them, without interfering.
This is the key to this stage – allowing life to continue to flow through us. Whatever area of new growth we need to take through the AWAKEN process next will organically appear. Something will trigger us, or a challenge will arise that brings up new patterns that need to be recognized, embraced, and healed by going through the AWAKEN model. This Now stage is a time to be gentle with yourself, to relax into the growth you have experienced and be present to whatever may arise in this moment.
This last phase is about your spiritual expansion, but it is also about bringing your whole, healed Self back into community. As A Course tells us, when one is healed all are healed. Our own AWAKEN process is not for us alone, but one that ultimately restores all of us to the Oneness that is our true Reality.
Note: I have a whole workshop on how to go through the AWAKEN process. Contact me if you want me to present it to your group (in person or on Zoom)!
Music for the Journey:
“Let it Be” - The Beatles
Looking for a guest speaker at your spiritual community? Contact me!
About the Motley Mystic:
The Motley Mystic is an online community for people who have realized that the truth speaks with many voices. There is no one religion, philosophy, institution, or dogma that captures the whole Truth and nothing but the Truth. No one needs to swear allegiance to one line of thought or belief to discern Truth, because Love is the only thing that’s real. That’s what we explore at the Motley Mystic - all the tools and strategies we need to remove our barriers to Love and live fully as our true Divine Self.
Candace Chellew is the founder of Motley Mystic as well as Jubilee! Circle, an interfaith spiritual community in Columbia, S.C. She is also the author of Bulletproof Faith: A Spiritual Survival Guide for Gay and Lesbian Christians published in 2008 by Jossey-Bass and the founder and senior editor emeritus of Whosoever: An Online Magazine for LGBTQ People of Faith. She is also a musician and avid animal lover.