I'm tired of manifesting

Getting off the ego's "seek but do not find" merry-go-round

Photo by Jametlene Reskp on Unsplash

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I used to believe in manifestation. I would listen to manifestation gurus, play little manifestation games to bring prime parking spaces, feathers, meaningful numbers, or whatever else is said to prove that shit works. But I'm done now. I am no longer a manifester, and it feels so much more peaceful already.

I still see the messages, the hype, the life coaches, and metaphysical teachers with their "spiritually conscious" marketing packages they want you to buy – and I am immediately tired. Manifesting is exhausting. But they assure me, you can achieve your goal! Enjoy great success! Draw a big audience! Become an influencer! Get rich and famous – or at least rich.

Yawn.

I've done it. I've manifested my dreams. I set a goal of becoming a journalist and worked myself up the ranks, starting at 17-years-old in a radio station in a literal trailer park. I ended that 20-year-long career as a news writer and editor at CNN. I wrote a book and convinced a major publisher to put it on the shelves. I pursued my dream of a master's degree in theology. Got it, and then went on to be ordained and serve 20 years as a pastor. I even started my own spiritual community that I led for nearly 14 years.

I manifested all of that. Now, I'm tired of manifesting. I don't have any dreams or goals to pursue right now.

And that's fine.

The world around us sells us this bill of goods that we should constantly strive for some goal, some form of success or impact on the world. We should always be scheming and dreaming and looking for that next adventure that gives our lives purpose and meaning. It's not just a capitalistic idea of working for wealth and notoriety, there are plenty of metaphysical teachers out there ready to sell you their program on how to make your dreams come true out in the world.

Can't we find meaning in the stopping of pursuing our goals and dreams – in not even having goals and dreams, at least for a little while? Can't we find meaning in a season of rest – a season of NOT co-creating shit with God or anyone else? Can't we slow down enough to "manifest" the only thing that truly matters? Peace. Joy. Love.

Nothing that I have manifested out in this world has brought me that. Oh, sure, I found peace, love, and joy in all of them until I didn't. It's not bad to want things outside of yourself – to set goals, have dreams and then pursue them. Where we go wrong is when we expect anything we manifest outside of ourselves to bring us lasting peace, joy, or love. It won't do it. Not because we do anything wrong, but because whatever we manifest out there does not have the capacity to give us any good thing that lasts within. Only stopping does that. Only going within and seeking to manifest that inner peace, joy, and love that never changes can do that.

"Manifest" isn't even the right word for what we're trying to do by going within and forsaking the exterior world. To manifest means to make some intangible idea or goal real in the world. When we go within, we don't need to "manifest" anything. Peace, love, and joy are what we ARE. It's what we're made out of. It is our essence. All this hoo-ha about ambition, purpose, goal setting, and achieving out in the world is just your ego telling you that inner peace, love, and joy won't pay the mortgage, so you'd better get your ass in gear and start chasing the dollars. I call this manifest-urbation – which is manifesting simply for your own reward and pleasure (which, of course, never lasts long).

Here's the unvarnished truth: We have it all backward. If we dared to go within first and do the hard work of unlearning all this crap about manifestation and simply realize we are eternal beings having a bodily experience and nothing out there will ever take the place of the peace, love, and joy that formed us, everything else in the exterior world would take care of itself.

If we could firmly inhabit that place of peace, love, and joy within first and foremost and bring that, and only that, out into the world, everything would be accomplished. The mortgage would get paid. Employment, creativity, opportunity, maybe even fame and fortune, would simply appear in our outer world. They would … manifest themselves without us doing one damn exercise or paying one more guru for their program.

Here's the crux of the issue – we are natural manifesters. We always have been. It's just that what we manifest is whatever is inside of us. When we manifest-urbate and focus solely on egoic goals and desires, they inevitably fail us in some way. I whooped and hollered and celebrated for at least a week when my book was accepted by a publisher. But that joy quickly wore off when I had to put my butt in a chair for the next eight months and write an actual book. Holding it in my hands was a joyful moment, too, then the long slog of convincing others to buy it and read it began.

I worked hard to accomplish all of that, but my ego was never happy. I have tried since 2008 to write a second book. No dice. My ego bashes me about it every day. I have not worked hard enough to "manifest" that book, it tells me. I tell it to shut up. The first book made me write it. I honestly had no choice, so any second book will have to do the same. I have no shame about that.

The ego, though, tells us manifesting is hard work and if we don't do it, we've failed, or the whole thing was hooey anyway and why try? But still, it whips us if we don't try at all, and whips us harder if we try and fail.

So, I'm taking the path of least resistance. I'm stepping off the ego's "seek but do not find" merry-go-round. I'm not trying anymore – not in the conventional sense. I'm not trying for the outward goal. I am striving, though, with all my heart, mind, and soul for the inward goal. I am seeking nothing but God, nothing but the presence of the Holy, to rest in the essence of who I am – who we ALL are – innocent, beloved creations of God who need nothing outside of ourselves to experience eternal peace, love, and joy.

When I reach that goal, what manifests for me in my outward reality will be just what is needed when I need it. That lasting peace, love, and joy will lead me to do whatever I am called to do in the world to make it a better, more loving, caring, and compassionate place for everyone.

That's the only kind of manifestation that interests me.

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Music for the Journey:

“You Can’t Always Get What You Want” - The Rolling Stones

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Looking for a guest speaker at your spiritual community? Contact me!

On Sunday, January 14, 2024, I spoke at the Jubilee! Community in Asheville, NC. Catch the sermon below and stay tuned for my original song “Dance Anyway.” (The World Beat Band is awesome!):

Upcoming speaking engagements:

January 28, 2024: Unitarian Church in Charleston, Charleston, SC. Online viewing is available.

February 4, 2024: Clayton Memorial Unitarian Universalist Fellowship, Newberry, SC - 11 a.m.

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About the Motley Mystic:

The Motley Mystic is an online community for people who have realized that the truth speaks with many voices. There is no one religion, philosophy, institution, or dogma that captures the whole Truth and nothing but the Truth. No one needs to swear allegiance to one line of thought or belief to discern Truth, because Love is the only thing that’s real. That’s what we explore at the Motley Mystic - all the tools and strategies we need to remove our barriers to Love and live fully as our true Divine Self.

Candace Chellew is the founder of Motley Mystic as well as Jubilee! Circle, an interfaith spiritual community in Columbia, S.C. She is also the author of Bulletproof Faith: A Spiritual Survival Guide for Gay and Lesbian Christians published in 2008 by Jossey-Bass and the founder and senior editor emeritus of Whosoever: An Online Magazine for LGBTQ People of Faith. She is also a musician and avid animal lover.