Giving Up for Lent
Surrender, but don't give your Self away
Welcome to Ash Wednesday, which begins the Lenten season's 40-day countdown to Easter Sunday.
Traditionally, Lent is a time to give up something – to fast from meat or alcohol or Facebook – anything you might identify as creating a barrier between you and a more open and honest relationship with your Creator. Theologian and author Matthew Fox even suggests the great idea of giving up the patriarchy for Lent.
This year, though, I've decided to just give up.
The idea of surrender gets a bad rap, because we think surrendering means becoming a door mat or not paying attention to what's going on in the world and burying our head in the warm sands of denial. Nothing could be further from the truth.
In fact, I would say that the strength of Ukrainian resistance to Russia's invasion is because they have given up. As a society, they have given up a collective norm of individuality – a belief that they are separate from one another. In giving up the idea of individual gain over collective freedom (something we could stand to learn in the US, IMHO), they have chosen unity over separation. By giving up egoic desires to get ahead of one another, they have formed a collective unity that gives them the courage to put their bodies in front of advancing Russian troops and refuse to leave their homeland despite the danger. This is the kind of constructive surrender we are called to embody in this world – whether we find ourselves on the side of the invaders or the invaded.
When we give up in this manner and fully surrender our will to that of our Creator, we eject the ego from the driver's seat. It's the ego, after all, that tells us that giving up our diets, drinking habits or social media addictions – anything and everything outside of ourselves – is the way to lasting happiness. Our egos have a million get-happy-quick schemes (which is the same as a "get-rich-quick" scheme because money equal happiness to the ego) and often we're willing to try every single one of them, believing the outcomes will somehow be different from the disappointments of before.
This is how it happens for me: I see something outside of myself that I feel will make me happy – a new job, a new project, a new relationship. I feel excited, inspired, motivated. This must be the Holy Spirit calling me to do something, right? So, I plow forward with all my might. I take those steps toward this illusory happiness, convinced I have finally found what I'm looking for in this life. I may meet with some early success, but soon, it becomes a slog – a burden, a chore. Eventually, doing the thing that inspired me so deeply at the beginning feels awful, but, hey, I've committed and I'm no quitter.
Sound familiar?
We often mistake our outward desires for God's inner calling to us. Our society tells us we must be busy all the time – nose to grindstone – quitting is for losers. Even if, at your core, you know you're on a fool's errand, being called a quitter seems a worse fate than giving up on a lost cause.
Giving up, though, can be sweet. Though I'm focusing on giving up for Lent, I've been engaged in a practice of giving up for awhile now. I've had a few of those egoic urgings to follow the same dead-end path to glory outside of myself these past few months, and I have simply released those things to Spirit. If I'm meant to do something, it will be clear, and it will not be my idea.
One of the clearest examples for me is Jubilee! Circle. It was not my idea to begin an entirely new spiritual community in Columbia, S.C. I had a nice job as the associate pastor at the local UCC and I was doing just fine. However, it was becoming clear that we had two separate congregations. The one Sunday a month I would preach, a whole different crowd showed up than the other Sundays of the month.
Finally, someone said, "You should start your own church." I resisted – which is a great sign that Spirit is moving you instead of the ego. We usually jump enthusiastically into whatever scheme the ego cooks up. When we hesitate – or outright resist – it's a clue that Spirit is moving.
Honestly, the things that Spirit calls us to do or become are the things we can't not do. I resisted starting my Internet magazine, Whosoever, for LGBTQ Christians in 1996. I resisted writing my first book, Bulletproof Faith, that grew out of that magazine. I resisted moving to South Carolina from Atlanta.
What we resist, persists, though. I knew, deep within myself, that I couldn't ultimately resist any of those things, and every single time I gave up my own will that focused on my individual gain and followed the Holy Spirit, amazing things happened. Miracles appeared in the form of resources, support, growth, and community.
I'm getting a bit better at spotting the schemes of the ego. Whenever I feel too gung-ho about a new endeavor, I pull myself back and allow myself to relax and wait. Without fail, some sign will arrive about who is really in the driver's seat. I'm far more excited these days if I find myself reluctant to try something new, because I know the source of that reluctance is my ego trying to pull me back into its plan for my life, which is, as A Course in Miracles says, "seek but do not find."
Where are you feeling reluctant as this season of Lent begins? Where are you resisting an urge to change something in your life, or begin something new? That hesitancy doesn't come from the Holy – it's a hallmark of your ego working to stay in the driver's seat of your life. Where are you feeling excited and raring to get started on a new project, career, relationship, or something else outside of yourself that you see as your ticket to happiness? Be careful. I invite you slow down, relax, breathe deeply and ask Spirit if this is truly the path you're meant to take. It could be, but taking your time and knowing it's a true path will save you a lot of time and frustration.
I invite you, in this Lenten season, to be wary of giving up things outside of yourself as some path to spiritual growth or enlightenment. Sure, get off social media if it's disrupting your life. Give up any thing, addiction, or habit that you feel is standing between you and the peace that passes all understanding. Those barriers, though, aren't really outside of you. They're just projections of your feelings of a lack of peace and joy within. The only way to find that lasting peace and joy is to become willing to give up all the barriers to peace and joy within yourself – and await that Holy guidance that will surely irk the ego and cause hesitation, resistance, or reluctance.
If you must give up something during Lent, make it just that – give up your hesitation, resistance, or reluctance to follow God's will for your life. Start small. Be willing to notice when you're chasing a new, exciting feeling, and pause to reconnect with your inner guidance before going down the rabbit hole. Even just taking a moment to breathe deeply can interrupt the ego's focus on what it sees as the latest hit of fleeting happiness and joy.
Or, you can use my ongoing practice. Whenever I feel overwhelmed, confused, or even excited by some new idea, I simply raise my arms and say, "I give up." Just that simple gesture can create the space needed for the Spirit's still, small voice to become audible over the ego's loud urgings.
Surrender is a giving up of the ego, not a giving up of the Divine Self. Surrender is giving up anything that separates us from each other and God. Just those three little words, "I give up," is an invitation for the Creator to slip into the driver's seat and take us on the amazing joy ride this life is meant to be.
What’s your experience of surrender? What are you feeling reluctant to begin or release from your life? Tell us about it in the comments!
Music for the Journey
Surrender, by Cheap Trick
Want to learn more about A Course in Miracles?
Jubilee! Circle hosts an informal discussion group about A Course in Miracles every Wednesday night at 7:30 p.m. Eastern Time. If you’re in the Columbia, SC area, you can join us in-person at 6729 Two Notch Road, Ste. 70 in Columbia. If you’re anywhere else in the world, join us by Zoom using the link below. Whether you’re new to ACIM, or have been studying it for years, this is a low-pressure, friendly environment to learn more and grow together! Join us:
Zoom link: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86088245457?pwd=bWd6QzhscGlUYnFnYUU1dy9uTUVMZz09
Are you looking for spiritual guidance?
I am a trained and certified spiritual director who can help you deepen your connection to the Holy and guide you as you seek spiritual growth and transformation.
If you’ve been feeling out of touch with the Holy or simply want to explore new practices to strengthen your spirituality, I can help you. I use a motley collection of techniques based in traditions such as Buddhism, Christianity, metaphysics and, of course, A Course in Miracles.
Contact me at candace@motleymystic.com for more details.
Take 20 with Candace
If you don’t have time to watch the full replay of Jubilee! Circle’s weekly celebrations, you can cut to the chase and spend 20 minutes (give or take) with me and enjoy my weekly message. This message is taken from Jubilee! Circle's celebration from February 27, 2022, as we learned how to see the light of permission.
Subscribe to Jubilee! Circle’s YouTube channel and join us every Sunday at 11 a.m. EST for our livestreamed celebrations!
About the Motley Mystic:
The Motley Mystic is an online community for people who have realized that the truth speaks with many voices. There is no one religion, philosophy, institution or dogma that captures the whole Truth and nothing but the Truth. No one needs to swear allegiance to one line of thought or belief to discern Truth, because Love is the only thing that’s real. That’s what we explore at the Motley Mystic - all the tools and strategies we need to remove our barriers to Love and live fully as our true, Divine Self.
Candace Chellew is the founder of Motley Mystic as well Jubilee! Circle, an interfaith spiritual community in Columbia, S.C. She is also the author of Bulletproof Faith: A Spiritual Survival Guide for Gay and Lesbian Christians published in 2008 by Jossey-Bass and the founder and senior editor emeritus of Whosoever: An Online Magazine for LGBTQ People of Faith. She is also a musician and avid beer drinker.