Beware the spiritual sugar crash
A Motley Mystic Moment on how to avoid getting hooked on the future at the expense of the present moment.
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I had a pretty severe sugar crash yesterday.
Not the kind you get from eating too much candy. I've given up sugar as part of the keto diet I've been following. It was more of a metaphysical sugar crash, not a physical one. You see, I've been listening almost daily to a teacher who talks about the same concepts as A Course in Miracles and other metaphysical teachers such as Michael Singer, Eckhart Tolle and Wayne Dyer. His teaching method is fantastic in that you don't have to know any of those names or philosophies to understand what he's saying and the transformation he's offering. He really is that good.
The crash came after spending a week on vacation NOT listening to his teachings. I spent time in the Outer Banks with my partner and her son just … being. We ate too much, slept too little, shopped too much and cared little about anything else but soaking up the sun, the sights and the wild horses on the beach in Carolla.
When I got home, I resumed my habit of listening to this incredible teacher – and I crashed. One of the exercises he teaches is to reminisce as if your wildest dreams have come true. "Remember that time when I made my first million bucks and hired an accountant so I never have to look at money again?"
I get the exercise and enjoy it a lot, because it's about creating a feeling in your body that you might not have otherwise, like feeling worthy of money, security or whatever else you may feel is lacking in this moment. Unless you can feel such things and imagine them, you can't bring them into your reality. I fully believe that to be true.
The crash came, however, because it struck me that everyone in this teacher's Facebook group, when they do this reminiscence exercise, talks about how they remember when they came into some manner of fortune and/or fame. They talk about remembering when their book became a best seller, when that art piece sold for hundreds of thousands of dollars, or that first time they filled a stadium full of fans to see their performance.
All great dreams, of course. I'm not putting anyone down for dreaming big. It just seems odd to me to think that every person has a dream of somehow being big, famous, influential or rich. Is this true? When left to our own devices, is this all we dream of – fame and fortune, our name in lights? Can we all become rich and famous?
This, of course, could just be my own pattern of self-sabotage seeping out in protest to all this "making it big one day" nonsense. This is a recurring pattern in my life, after all; the self-saboteur who seeks to keep me playing small – who tells me it's better to just fly under the radar for my whole life. Just gather up a small spiritual community where you are, write a book that doesn't draw too much attention (and absolutely no ongoing royalties), and by all means, keep working a full-time job that you kind of enjoy but leaves little time of the things that really call to you.
As I meditated this morning, though, I realized, "What if this life, right here, right now, IS God's dream for me? What if being a spiritual director of a small, local spiritual community, a small-time author, teacher, sometime musician and loving partner IS my life's calling? What if I'm NOT called to be a big shot author, teacher or spiritual leader? Can I still love what's right here?"
I burst into tears as these thoughts came rushing to me because what was behind them was a deep, yawning, infinite sense of gratitude. The life I have right this very moment is ALREADY beyond the wildest dreams of my childhood. It is filled with amazing people who love me and support me. It includes doing work that I love – work that combines all of my skills in writing, speaking, teaching and making music. Life in this moment includes a deep, loving relationship, a good level of financial security and the kind of stability that I could only fantasize about as a kid.
What if, I said to my self-saboteur, you're not working against me but for me? What if you are bringing me gifts that I have mistaken for things that undermine me? What if, my dear self-saboteur, you've been my friend all along because it's only been you that has been able to help me see that what I have in this moment has ALWAYS been enough? What if I owe you a debt of gratitude as well?
My realization this morning was this: I have enough. I am enough. Life is enough for me, right this very minute. I don't have to play a game where I imagine a better future. It's a nice enough exercise, but no one is promised any future at all – and it never arrives anyway. It's always now.
What if we can appreciate NOW all the time. What if we can radically accept what we have right now – even if we believe it's not enough and our ego and the world concur and tell us we should expect more? What if we can radically accept everything in our lives right now, even if it's painful in this moment? The pain we're feeling comes from those old patterns seeking to be seen, allowed space, loved, healed and released.
It was painful to sit with my self-saboteur this morning. We don't like each other very much. I blame her for all my problems and she's indignant that I don't appreciate how she's kept us small and safe all these years. By sitting with that pain, though, I was able to release it and begin to love that little self-saboteur and see that all it wants is to be seen, to be loved and allowed to exist in my body. She's welcome here. She needs love and healing, too. She's frightened to play big even though, paradoxically, she yearns to be seen, loved and respected.
I'm grateful that she was able to share this vulnerable side of herself with me today, because now I can be radically grateful for the pattern that I've used to undermine my own dreams over the years. I can see and appreciate that part of me now and in radically accepting it, I can move to heal it and release it.
Being radically grateful for what is in our lives right now doesn't mean we don't – or shouldn't – want more or better for ourselves. It means that we stop dreaming about a future we're not promised for the reality of the abundance we already have if we're willing to recognize it. My self-saboteur can be a source of wisdom and growth for me. If I keep pushing her down or allowing myself to be sucked into her feelings of despair and give up on my dreams, then I can want the moon for myself, but I won't get it until I'm grateful for all of my life – even the painful parts.
Buddhist teacher Tara Brach says: "Radical Acceptance is the willingness to experience ourselves and our lives as it is."
Right now, I'm not rich or famous. I'm not traveling the world enlightening people with my wisdom or enjoying the attention and royalties of a New York Times bestseller. Thinking that I should be those things takes away any chance for me to experience the immense joy my life offers me right now, and the chance to be grateful for everything I do have in this moment.
My self-saboteur argues that it's not enough, but here's the thing: Nothing will ever be enough for that part of me. All the fame and fortune in the world won't satisfy it, so by seeing that pattern, I can learn that lesson and realize that everything that's here right now is enough, and I can be profoundly grateful for it.
I don't need to be rich and famous. I don't need to travel the world enlightening people with my wisdom. I'm not even sure that's what I want, now or in the future. All I know in this moment is that I am living beyond my wildest dreams already. What could I allow to come into my experience next if I'm simply grateful for everything in my life right now?
I don't know, but it sure is exciting to imagine.
"Do you remember that time when I gave up remembering that time …?
Your turn!
What about you? What is this present moment offering to you that you believe is not enough? I invite you, in this moment, to recognize all that life has given to you right now. Even if this moment is painful, you can ease that pain a bit by simply accepting what is and not resisting the pain. In the next moment, perhaps you can find ways to make space for that pain in your body so it can be seen, recognized, loved and finally healed.
We all have doubts about ourselves and self-sabotaging habits. How would it change the way you live, though, if you simply experience your life as it is – radically accepting it without resistance?
I'm willing to bet that in that moment, you'll find something to be radically grateful for, and from that place, you'll find real spiritual nourishment that won't ever bring on a spiritual sugar crash.
Music for the Journey
“Living in the Moment” by Jason Mraz
About the Motley Mystic:
The Motley Mystic is an online community for people who have realized that the truth speaks with many voices. There is no one religion, philosophy, institution or dogma that captures the whole Truth and nothing but the Truth. No one needs to swear allegiance to one line of thought or belief to discern Truth, because Love is the only thing that’s real. That’s what we explore at the Motley Mystic - all the tools and strategies we need to remove our barriers to Love and live fully as our true, Divine Self.
Candace Chellew is the founder of Motley Mystic as well Jubilee! Circle, an interfaith spiritual community in Columbia, S.C. She is also the author of Bulletproof Faith: A Spiritual Survival Guide for Gay and Lesbian Christians published in 2008 by Jossey-Bass. She is also a musician and avid beer drinker.